Philadelphia, that scrappy red-headed stepchild of a town between navel-gazing New York and bureaucratically dull D.C., was beaten down again. But this is nothing new. The nation’s disdain of Philadelphia, and the evolution of “Philly” into a near-epithet adjective along the lines of “ghetto” or “rough,” is a wrong that deserves to be remedied (probably like the word “gay”).

Who is to blame here? Let’s start with the makers of the 1993 film Philadelphia. Their clumsy sort of parallel symbol — the juxtaposition of a struggling post-1970s milieu of urban decay with a man slowly dying of AIDS — demeans the city. Director Jonathan Demme and stars Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington all have a lot of blood on their hands. The main problem, one of several, is that the real-life subject of the film had no connection with Philly — so for Oscar-whoring Hollywood types, Philadelphia’s pre-Rendell city setting served as an appropriate milieu for Tom Hanks to suffer from a terminal illness and eventually die. Low-hanging fruit. Total assholes.

Speaking of artists mining real-life trauma for their namby-pamby “storytelling,” Bruce Springsteen is another slum-porn asshole. His “Streets of Philadelphia” takes the film’s lame symbolic co-optation of Philadelphia even further, using “wasting away on the streets of Philadelphia” as a facile image standing in for “the end of the line.” Go ahead — say it, jackass: Philadelphia is where all the total down-and-out hobos go to die.

Bruce is disgusting, and doesn’t deserve Philadelphia. Should Bruce actually play that horrible song next week at the Spectrum, I hope Philadelphia partisans fight back with a giant vat of Cheez Whiz. My fear, however, is that the well-intentioned locals may believe that Bruce is actually praising their city — which would be unsurprising, seeing how good Bruce is at misleading people — he may be the most imprecise songwriter around, a smoke-and-mirrors charlatan.

If Bruce does play “Philadelphia,” it may set back Philadelphia’s redemption from the Springsteen-Demme Cabal and everyone else who “Phillied” Philly. This redemption, by the way, in my view, came when Brad Lidge struck out Tampa Bay’s Eric Hinske last October and Lidge fell to his knees in religious exultation not to Jesus but rather generation upon generation of beleaguered Philly fans. Don’t let Bruce undo that. Get the vat of Whiz ready.

As for me, I vow from here on out not to “Philly” Philly . . . until I hear about another case of vigilante justice, that is . . .

Judith A. McHale was expecting a contentious session with Ansar Abbasi, a Pakistani journalist known for his harsh criticism of American foreign policy, when she sat down for a one-on-one meeting with him in a hotel conference room in Islamabad on Monday. She got that, and a little bit more.

After Ms. McHale, the Obama administration’s new under secretary of state for public diplomacy and public affairs, gave her initial polite presentation about building bridges between America and the Muslim world, Mr. Abbasi thanked her politely for meeting with him. Then he told her that he hated her.

“ ‘You should know that we hate all Americans,’ ” Ms. McHale said Mr. Abbasi told her. “ ‘From the bottom of our souls, we hate you.’ ”

. . .

She said that even though she knew that she did not sway Mr. Abbasi, it was good to hear what he thought because she wanted to try to understand the source of much of the anti-Americanism in Pakistan.

When they get around to writing it, the screenwriter will use Molly Ringwald’s op-ed as a starting point:

None of the films that he made subsequently [“Sixteen Candles” and “The Breakfast Club”] had the same kind of personal feeling to me. They were funny, yes, wildly successful, to be sure, but I recognized very little of the John I knew in them, of his youthful, urgent, unmistakable vulnerability. It was like his heart had closed, or at least was no longer open for public view. A darker spin can be gleaned from the words John put into the mouth of Allison in “The Breakfast Club”: “When you grow up … your heart dies.”

I’m speaking metaphorically, of course. Though it does seem sadly poignant that physically, at least, John’s heart really did die. It also seems undeniably meaningful: His was a heavy heart, deeply sensitive, prone to injury — easily broken.

Most people who knew John knew that he was able to hold a grudge longer than anyone — his grudges were almost supernatural things, enduring for years, even decades. Michael suspects that he was never forgiven for turning down parts in “Pretty in Pink” and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” I turned down later films as well. Not because I didn’t want to work with John anymore — I loved working with him, more than anyone before or since.

. . .

Eventually, though, I felt that I needed to work with other people as well. I wanted to grow up, something I felt (rightly or wrongly) I couldn’t do while working with John. Sometimes I wonder if that was what he found so unforgivable. We were like the Darling children when they made the decision to leave Neverland. And John was Peter Pan, warning us that if we left we could never come back. And, true to his word, not only were we unable to return, but he went one step further. He did away with Neverland itself.

Salient detail: Ringwald adds that Hughes made “mixed tapes” for the cast . . . the visual of John Hughes hovering over a stereo and affixing a label to a blank cassette tape just about breaks my heart; I say that scene either goes in the first ten minutes (to convey his “eagerness”) or in the last ten minutes (to express something “yearning” about his persona) — take your pick.

Michael Jackson’s father insisted Thursday night that a Norwegian dancer is in fact the King of Pop’s love child.

“Yes, I knew he had another son. Yes, I did,” Joe Jackson said in an interview with NewsOne.com.

The bombshell comes a week after Omer Bhatti, 25, denied widespread reports that he was Michael Jackson’s secret son.

“He looks like a Jackson,” Joe Jackson, 80, insisted. “He acts like a Jackson, he can dance like a Jackson.”

Football is being used as a vehicle for money laundering, according to an agency responsible for tracking the proceeds of crime.

The Financial Action Task Force (FATF) report warns football is at risk from criminals buying clubs, transferring players, and betting on the sport.

It also provides a rare insight into tax evasion in British football.

The report also raises concerns over human trafficking, corruption, drug trafficking and tax crime in the sport.

Part One: Computers

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Computers, Exhibit A:

I hate computers for any number of reasons, but I despise them most for what they’ve done to my friend the typewriter. In a democratic country you’d think there would be room for both of them, but computers won’t rest until I’m making my ribbons from torn shirts and brewing Wite-Out in my bathtub. Their goal is to place the IBM Selectric II beside the feather quill and chisel in the museum of antiquated writing implements. They’re power hungry, and someone needs to stop them.

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Computers, Exhibit B:

Bill Gates got off on the wrong foot the first time he decided to turn off his computer. Do you simply press a button that says OFF when you want to turn it off? You do not. The first thing he has us do to stop is to press START.

Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Next, it asks SHUT DOWN?

Then it says WHAT DO YOU WANT IT TO DO? Well, didn’t I just tell you what I want it to do? It isn’t finished either. It asks SHUT DOWN THE COMPUTER? What the hell else do you think I want to shut down? The bedroom window?

Computers aren’t nice to us. My typewriter never threatened me with a prison sentence by saying I have performed an illegal operation.

When I want to write something, the computer demands a password. In all the years I wrote on my typewriter, it never asked for a password, and no one ever stole anything I wrote either.

Answer to Part One: Computers here.

Part Two: Our Litigious Society

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Our Litigious Society, Exhibit A:

I’ve been thinking of quitting work and suing big companies for a living, instead. Suing has become a popular American pastime and I’d like to get in on some of the easy money.

. . .

If someone is killed when his car turns over going around a curve at 90 miles an hour, his family sues the car manufacturer or the company that made the tires. If he hits a telephone pole, they sue the telephone company.

The wife of a man who was murdered sued the company that made the gun. The tobacco companies, the gun manufacturers and the tire companies have it coming but the amount of some of these awards don’t make sense.

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Our Litigious Society, Exhibit B:

At the San Diego Zoo, right near the primate habitats, there’s a display featuring half a dozen life-size gorillas made out of bronze. Posted nearby is a sign reading CAUTION: GORILLA STATUES MAY BE HOT. Everywhere you turn, the obvious is being stated. CANNON MAY BE LOUD. MOVING SIDEWALK IS ABOUT TO END. To people who don’t run around suing one another, such signs suggest a crippling lack of intelligence. Place bronze statues beneath the southern California sun, and of course they’re going to get hot. Cannons are supposed to be loud, that’s their claim to fame, and – like it or not – the moving sidewalk is bound to end sooner or later. It’s hard trying to explain a country whose motto has become You can’t claim I didn’t warn you. What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don’t normally sneak up on people. Unless they’ve derailed, you pretty much know where to find them. The young man wasn’t deaf and blind. No one had tied him to the tracks, so what’s there to sue about?

Answer to Part Two: Our Litigious Society here.

Part Three: Recycling

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Recycling, Exhibit A:

Americans put their whole lives by the side of the road to be carted away Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Mechanical engineers have invented ingenious devices to help make disposal quick and easy.

Some things get thrown out more than others. Summer furniture gets thrown away – all kinds of kitchen equipment, dishwashers, stoves, hot water heaters. There are enough junked refrigerators to chill whole neighborhoods.

Gadgets that seemed like a good idea in the store go. Venetian blinds get the heave-ho.

There are mountains of used cardboard containers at the dump. Recycling is an unsubstantiated rumor.

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Recycling, Exhibit B:

Pandas and rain forests are never mentioned when it comes to the millions of people taking joyrides in their Range Rovers. Rather, it’s the little things we’re strong-armed into conserving. At a chain coffee bar in San Francisco, I saw a sign near the cream counter that read NAPKINS COME FROM TREES – CONSERVE! In case you missed the first sign, there was a second one two feet away, reading YOU WASTE NAPKINS – YOU WASTE TREES!!! The cups, of course, are also made of paper, yet there’s no mention of the mighty redwood when you order your four-dollar coffee. The guilt applies only to those things that are being given away for free. Were they to charge you ten cents per napkin, they would undoubtedly make them much thinner so you’d need to waste even more in order to fight back the piping hot geyser forever spouting from the little hole conveniently located in the lid of your cup.

Answer to Part Three: Recycling here.

Part Four: Working Away From Home

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Working Away From Home, Exhibit A:

When forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure the wretchedness of passing through the X-ray scanner. The laptops roll merrily down the belt, while I’m instructed to stand aside and open my bag. To me it seems like a normal enough thing to be carrying, but the typewriter’s declining popularity arouses suspicion and I wind up eliciting the sort of reaction one might expect when traveling with a cannon.

“It’s a typewriter,” I say. “You use it to write angry letters to airport authorities.”

The keys are then slapped and pounded, and I’m forced to explain that if you want the words to appear, you first have to plug it in and insert a sheet of paper.

The goons shake their heads and tell me I really should be using a computer. That’s their job, to stand around in an ill-fitting uniform and tell you how you should lead your life. I’m told the exact same thing later in the evening when the bellhop knocks on my hotel door. The people whose televisions I can hear have complained about my typing, and he has come to make me stop. To hear him talk, you’d think I’d been playing the kettledrum. In the great scheme of things, the typewriter is not nearly as loud as he makes it out to be, but there’s no use arguing with him. “You know,” he says, “you really should be using a computer.”

David Sedaris or Andy Rooney on Working Away From Home, Exhibit B:

I recently bought this new laptop to use when I travel. Look at that that … fits right into my briefcase. It weighs less than three pounds. I lose that much getting mad waiting to get on the plane through security at the airport.

But that’s it. I’m ready to go. Well … almost ready.

Actually, I do have to bring the power cord and the AC adapter so that I can recharge the battery when I get to the hotel room.

Naturally, I want to get on the Internet when I’m away. So I bring the telephone cord. This plugs in here on the side, and the wall in the hotel room.

I always write on a floppy disk. I write anything I do on the floppy disk. That way, when I get back to the office, I can copy it to my regular computer. This plugs into the side of the computer.

If I write a letter or something — anything I write, really — I want to be able to print it. This is my printer. I bring that along. They make them smaller than this now but you can’t buy a new one of everything the day it comes out, so I still have this one.

The printer has a converter. Naturally, I have to have power for the computer so I bring that along. There is a cable that goes from the computer to the printer, so I always have that.

Now, these are the compact disks with the encyclopedia and dictionary on them. I need some research tools if I’m going to write anything, so I always bring that. Now, this box is something called a D-Link. I
don’t totally understand it, but I know that when I’m using more than one of these other devices, I have to have it. So I always bring that.

But there you are. When I’ve got everything together, I put the computer in the briefcase. Then I pack everything else into a small suitcase and away I go.

To tell you the truth, I might be better off bringing my Underwood.

Answer to Part Four: Working Away From Home here.

Today, we’ll repeat the experiment to get the latest snapshot of the web (June 12, 2009, 2:40 p.m. EDT):

amazon
best buy
craigslist
dictionary
ebay
facebook
gmail (was: “google”)
hotmail
irs (was: “imdb”)
jcpenney
kohls
lowes
myspace
netflix
orbitz (was: “orkut” — inexplicably)
photobucket
quotes
realtor.com (was: “runescape”)
southwest airlines (was: “sears”)
target
usps (was: “utube”)
verizon wireless
walmart
xm radio (was: “xbox 360″)
youtube
zillow (was: “zappos”)

Many in law enforcement – whose pleas for community help sometimes go unanswered – were surprised when numerous Kensington residents offered to catch Carrasquillo themselves.

“This case affected nearly everybody,” said Capt. Daniel Castro, of the 24th District, in North Philadelphia.

“Law-abiding citizens were out there with police officers. We even had chronic drug dealers coming up to us, wanting to see his picture. That tells me there is some code, even among the criminal element,” he said.

While pleased with the community support, Castro added that police were opposed to violent vigilantism.

Another man, Michael Zenquis, told police he was attacked by a separate angry mob in Kensington Tuesday.

“Apparently, they assumed he was [Carrasquillo] and beat him up,” Castro said.

Zenquis, who could not be reached for comment, had minor injuries but declined to press charges, Castro said.

[via The Awl.]

In 2009, the United States Mint will mint and issue four different one-cent coins in recognition of the bicentennial of President Abraham Lincoln’s birth and the 100th anniversary of the first issuance of the Lincoln cent. The reverse (tails) designs were unveiled September 22 at a ceremony held at the Lincoln Memorial on the National Mall in Washington, D.C. While the obverse (heads) will continue to bear the familiar likeness of President Lincoln currently on the one-cent coin, the reverse will reflect four different designs, each one representing a different aspect, or theme, of the life of President Lincoln.

So Americans have a choice. We can spend 40 percent of our G.D.P., and provide services like Britain’s national health care. If we spent like the Nordic countries, we could provide government-paid maternity leave, subsidize college tuition and offer a health plan that was close to free for all Americans. But this would leave significantly less money for taxpayers to spend as they want.

Sounds good to me! Bring everyone on board!

*Yes, that Bob Packwood. (Geez — Newt, Eliot, now Bob Packwood, too? Is everyone going to be rehabilitated at some point?)

• Do you think the U.S. is fair and decent?
• Should the U.S. pay more attention to its allies or vice versa?
• Does the U.S. have a free market system or less than a free market system?
• Something about overregulation . . .
• Does regulation hurt big businesses or small businesses more?
• Something about how the economy is going today . . .
• Is the U.S. fair & decent to someone or other, maybe immigrants or
  minorities or who knows . . .
• Should immigrants adopt the culture of the U.S. or should they not bother?
• Do you want more services and higher taxes or fewer services and lower taxes?
• Are the U.S.’s best days ahead of us or behind us?
• Something about whether the U.S. and its allies are cooperating with each other . . .
• Who do I trust more, the people or the leaders?
• Has the federal government turned into a sort of “special interest”?
• Something about government working.

They also asked right track/wrong track as well as whether I approved of the job Obama is doing.

I answered “not sure” for a lot — especially stuff like this “Has the federal government turned into a sort of ‘special interest’?” question, which I didn’t understand at all.

So here is what I think is the writeup of the poll (it doesn’t appear to be a permalink, so be careful if you look this up down the line).

As for the poll, it was a “national telephone survey of 1,000 Likely Voters was conducted by Rasmussen Reports April 23-24, 2009. The margin of sampling error for the survey is +/- 3 percentage points with a 95% level of confidence.” I’m not a statistician — and maybe I’m an outlier, and maybe my answers were automatically omitted anyway — but actually having participated in the poll, I don’t know that I would be that confident it its results.

For starters — just for me but I wonder how many others are like this — I honestly don’t know if I’m “very liberal,” “somewhat liberal” or “moderate” (I tuned out after “moderate”). For the record, I chose “somewhat liberal,” but I don’t know what this means. Maybe I had a flash of Cynthia McKinney in my mind and automatically reached for the number 2 on my phone. I don’t really remember. And that was one of the easier questions!

Anyway, here’s the lede:

Americans appear more upbeat about the direction the country is taking in the short term but are growing more pessimistic about its long-term future.

While an increasing number of Americans say the United States is heading in the right direction, a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that 47% now think America’s best days have already come and gone. That negative assessment is up six points from a month ago, twelve points since Inauguration Day, and is now at the highest level of pessimism since May . . .

OK, so America’s best days have come and gone. Hrm. Let me go back and figure out what I thought . . . I don’t remember what I said. I’m pretty sure I would have said “not sure” because, duh, that’s one of those things that you can’t be sure about! I think my mental image was Frank Sobotka on the The Wire saying, “You know what the trouble is, Brucie? We used to make shit in this country, build shit. Now we just put our hand in the next guy’s pocket.” Poor Sobotka! A tragic figure! Days gone!

But then I’m thinking, well, wow, I read Thomas Friedman — well, most of the time . . . or I guess some of the time — and I read his “The Lexus and the Olive Tree” — America rules! Days ahead!

So what do you tell them — er, I mean which button do you push? And the thing about these polls is that they go fast. And these are questions that you could debate for hours. If you were so inclined. I’m not.

Here’s the other thing: The barrage of questions over the course of the poll. Are you wanting America to bend over for its allies? Should immigrants have to learn the culture? Is the federal government just a special interest? By the end I felt all riled up, like I was watching Glenn Beck or something. Hell no, I will never bend over for our allies! America’s allies bend over for us! Has Nate Silver or Mark Blumenthal ever discussed the questions around the questions (versus just focusing on specific questions) because there’s this rapid-fire talk radio kind of vibe that goes along with it all that you can’t help but think affects the poll’s outcome.

And then there’s this:

Just 39% now say America’s best days are in the future. The nation’s Political Class is much more bullish about America’s future — 94% of that elite group say the country’s best days lie ahead. Among those who hold a more populist or Mainstream View, just 29% offer such optimism.

Uh oh. So am I part of “the nation’s Political Class” or am I — perish the thought — more “populist” and “mainstream”? And here’s what they determined:

The Political Class and Mainstream classifications are determined by the answers to three questions measuring general attitudes about government. Most Americans trust the judgment of the public more than political leaders, view the federal government as a special interest group, and believe that big business and big government work together against the interests of investors and consumers. Only seven percent (7%) share the opposite view and can be considered part of the Political Class.

. . .

On many issues, the gap between Mainstream Americans and the Political Class is bigger than the gap between Mainstream Republicans and Mainstream Democrats.

To create a scale and calculate whether someone belongs to the Mainstream or the Political Class, each response to one of the three questions earns a plus 1 for the more populist answer, a minus 1 for the political class answer, and a 0 for not sure.

Those who score 2 or higher are considered part of the Mainstream. Those who score -2 or lower are considered to be aligned with the Political Class. Those who score +1 or -1 are considered leaners in one direction or the other.

In practical terms, if someone is classified with the Mainstream, they agree with the mainstream view on at least two of the three questions and don’t agree with the Political Class on any.

So I remembered these questions . . . I know I said “not sure” when asked whether I viewed the federal goverment as a special interest, mostly because I was like “what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” And I’ll admit that I think I pulled the populist trigger on the “trust political leaders or the people” question, though I was similarly baffled and in retrospect probably wouldn’t have pressed the button I did. I think I had an image of Michael Bloomberg in my head, and this week I’m like fuck him. I honestly don’t remember what I pushed when asked whether I believed that big business and big government work together against the interests of investors and consumers . . . sometimes they do, right? Other times they don’t. And other times I see black helicopters and prepare my survivalist cache. Suffice it to say, it’s the type of question that washes over you like the cable news in general. I wouldn’t be surprised if I pushed 1, 2 or 3.

And for that I’m exiled from the Political Class?! Fuck you, asshole!
Give me my independence back!

I know it’s just a poll. And beyond that I know it’s just a Rasmussen poll. And yet . . . and yet . . . isn’t it still possible to wean ourselves from the dichotomous, binary political milieu we seem to be trapped in? We should take a survey and find out.

During the campaign, Obama was never shy about his promise to undo the Bush tax policies. But it was easy to ignore his occasional lapses into populist rhetoric and focus on his intense intelligence and Ivy League education. Now, in the wake of the crisis, Wall Street’s politics are shifting rightward. “All the rich people I know took George Bush for granted,” says an analyst at a midtown hedge fund. “I’m a Democrat, but I agree with Rush Limbaugh on a lot of this stuff,” rails the wife of a former AIG executive.

The anger masks a deeper suspicion that Obama fundamentally doesn’t respect their place at the table. “I think he doesn’t have an appreciation for how hard it is to build these companies, the blood, sweat, and tears that goes into them,” says a senior executive from a failed Wall Street firm. “It’s just that he has no passion for it. He speaks dispassionately about the whole situation, except when he’s beating up on the Wall Street fat cats.”

. . .

There’s a vast woundedness now on Wall Street, which is hard to contemplate after the period of triumphalism so recently ended. In this conversation about money, there’s a lot to work through. Just months ago, the masses kept what anger they had to themselves, and the bankers were close-lipped about what they thought they were owed by society. There wasn’t much of a dialogue about the haves and have-nots and who was entitled to what. For the privileged, it was a lot more comfortable when things remained unspoken. Almost more than the loss of money, they are concerned with the loss of status and pride.

President Barack Obama can’t stand to be without his “Entourage.”

Call it a guilty pleasure, or maybe it just rings familiar to him. The HBO series about an aspiring actor features a fast-talking agent named Ari, based on the real-life brother of Obama’s chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel.

. . .

“When you hear he likes ‘Entourage,’ you have to go, ‘That figures,’” said Robert Thompson, a professor of pop culture at Syracuse University. “Anything Obama does is cool by definition. He’s the Internet president, he’s the BlackBerry president, and now, I suppose, he could be called the HBO president.” Obama likes “Entourage” so much he even rearranged his campaign schedule not to miss an episode.

“We would talk about ‘Entourage’ all the time,” said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs.

“A couple of times during the campaign, we would have these Sunday night calls at the same time as ‘Entourage,’” Gibbs recalled. “I remember one time I e-mailed him because the call was scheduled for the last 15 minutes of ‘Entourage’ and I said, ‘Just be late and we can just watch “Entourage” and still get on and do the call.’”

“And it worked,” Gibbs continued, laughing. “We got to see ‘Entourage.’”

Having already heard that his favorite TV show is The Wire, this confirms something we’ve long suspected about the President — he had to have caught some episodes of Entourage in there! And while I’m pretty sure he would never say “If I have a guilty TV viewing pleasure, it’s watching hapless Turtle getting really baked, spending too much time chasing down expensive pairs of sneakers and not getting laid” obviously Obama’s guilty pleasure is watching hapless Turtle getting really baked, spending too much time chasing down expensive pairs of sneakers and not getting laid.

So if you were Obama and you were the President-Elect and you could have Ari Gold’s brother as your chief of staff, wouldn’t you totally work that angle?

QED. Now let’s hug it out, bitch.

The commander of the Pakistani Taliban claimed responsibility Tuesday for a deadly assault on a Pakistani police academy and said the group was planning a terrorist attack on Washington that would “amaze” the world.

Baitullah Mehsud, who has a $5 million bounty on his head from the U.S., said Monday’s attack outside the eastern city of Lahore was in retaliation for U.S. missile strikes against militants along the Afghan border.

“Soon we will launch an attack in Washington that will amaze everyone in the world,” Mehsud told The Associated Press by phone. He provided no details.