Liberal Talk Radio

Lefty McRadical heard a knock on the door last week. Looking through the peephole, she was shocked to see her pal Gov. Bill Richardson (D - NM) standing on her stoop along with a dear old friend, Minimum Wage.

In truth, Ms. McRadical was more than a little excited to see her old friend Minimum. They’d been buddies in the days of unspecialized labor, back when a worker was a worker was a worker. They’d sung songs together in the WPA camps and held hands on the factory floor in Flint.

But Lefty was feeling a bit … “osteoporositic” these days, and Minimum himself looked every bit the superannuated policy initiative he was, so she gave Minimum a quick hug and then invited him and the Governor in for tea.

“How are ya’, Lefty?” said Minimum, lowering himself, coughing, into the plain, mismatched easy chair. He glanced at the age-worn furnishings — a second edition “Communist Manifesto” on the shelf next to the German version of “Das Kapital” Lefty was so proud of. A cigar butt reputedly discarded by Hemingway in Spain in a cabinet next to a lock of Kennedy’s hair. Some phalluses from India, relics of Lefty’s trip there with her ex-husband, the novelist, in those heady days following her graduation from Vassar.

“Fine, Minimum, fine.” Lefty couldn’t suppress a faint tingling. For the first time in years she felt like a young activist again, full of energy and new ideas to change the world.

They made small talk for a while … caught up on some things. Lefty couldn’t help but her mind drifted back, back to the days when Minimum was young and handsome like Marlon Brando in a Kazan movie. But then … No! Stop! The Bad Times crept into her thoughts. Lefty had been so in love with Minimum. She would’ve done anything for him, anything.

But he treated her so bad. And even now as the familiar, maddening smirk started to show on his aged face, Lefty felt herself torn. On the one hand, Minimum Wage still held the same promise he always had — better times for everyone through a better standard of living. But on the other …

Well, the fact was that Lefty had finally had to admit to herself that Minimum Wage did no one, certainly not a good, caring liberal like herself, any good. All Minimum had ever done for anybody was to make sure fewer people had jobs. And then when he gave an excuse to Big Business to leave the country … well, Lefty could never — ever! — forgive him for that.

In spite of all his promises, Minimum Wage had never really done anybody any good. It’s why Lefty spent her later years — her happiest years — with solid citizens like Government Funded Health Care and Educational Improvements.

So Lefty sighed at the memories of those hot days of youth when she was tantalized by the tight jeans of Minimum’s empty promises, thrilled by his motorcycle of sweet nothings. Finally, when the Governor and Minimum got up to go, she was happy to see them leave.

And as she watched them walk off into the ‘08 presidential race, she wondered aloud, “What’s a nice guy like Bill Richardson doing hanging around a dog like Minimum Wage?”

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Economy, Minimum Wage